Wednesday, June 23, 2004




~*Backing it up*~

it really doesn't help matters when i start reading a lil story and my mind drifts off to remembering another time, place, and entirely different world of memories... Saturday, when Ghostie and i spoke for so long about futures and dreams and desires...wellllll... i feel guilty. i know i had meant it when i had stated that if Ghostie and Galahad both approached me at the same exact time, offering me the same exact relations, i would chose to be with Ghostie... i had meant it, i know i did, so why is it that now, after a year and a half of Galahad being completely out of the picture, and almost a year and a half of Ghostie being in the picture, that i can't help but seem to think i lied?

Ghostie would never offer the same as Galahad, and Galahad would never offer again, but that isn't the issue, the issue here is that i literally made dayumed sure (in my lil protective nature of things) that Galahad could NEVER be as Ghostie is too me now, anddddddddd i can never allow another, not even Ghostie, to be all that Galahad had meant to me.

Make sense? no...i didn't think so.

once bitten, twice shy??? afraid not, (in spite of the fact that i wish i was)...

but to quote from the latest fictional readings... "i don't have to trust you, all i have to do is know you"

knowing scares the tinkles outta me, and my solace has been found in Ghostie...and i guess thats evolutionary? yeah well...something like it...

my thoughts are a scattered mess, and revisiting the past is notttt the best options, but then, it could be worse i suppose, and as i said to Ghostie that wonderful Saturday afternoon, i'm trying to "take care", but thats suppose to be your job dommits, not mine!



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