Friday, October 03, 2003


i finally managed to figure out how to do the scripting for the picture pages i set up for Ghosties family... it only took 6 hours...give or take a few...

~*making mental note that i have to try and remembers how to place the piccies in a scroll bar types setting*~

i got to talk with Ghostie twice last night, both calls too short...and dommits if both times i didn't gets to say i loved him...i hate when that happens...not just with Ghostie, but with anyone that i am close too...if i don't get to say i love you to my lilones before they go off to school, if i don't get to say i love you to Ghostie before we hang up the phone, if i dont get to say i love you to MJ or sissie whenever we chatter online....the fact is that i have a need to say it, because what if the time comes that i never get to tell them again?

Ghostie is now planning out his stay in the States to begin on 14 October...he's also planning on returning home 1 November and i know better than to dream about a longer stay...fact is, i know better than to dream...

"J" was online earlier and so i asked him what his thoughts were on some of the issues i have been fighting with as of late...lil thinks like why the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks has "Galahad" been haunting the puck outta me in spite of the fact that he's no where to be seen...he just seeeeeeems to be flipping everywhere if that makes any sense at all

"J" seems to think it makes purrrrfect sense...or to say...he doesn't think it's my intuition telling me that its time to prepare for a return from "Galahad", so much as it's a longing and desire to serve and submit once more... much for "comforting thoughts"

but "J" is probably hitting it on the bullseye more than i would care to admit too...

guess we shall see in about 10 more days...IFFFFFF...


WHAT if...

what if Ghostie can't stand that side of me? i used to thinks i could control it...but fact is that i ammmmm climbing the walls now... so much so that i'm seriously contemplating a move back to Cali just so that i can be near those who would look after me in spite of my worst self...i'm also contemplating a move back to Savannah in which i knowwwwwwww would get me killed, but then, when your desperate for release you think up alotttttt of stupid chit


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