Sunday, October 12, 2003




~*Day After Day*~


And then comes Tuesday...

i should have been thisssss prepared for when i took my visit to the UK last fall... because right now...at this very moment... i'm finally at peace with the fact that whatever happens is going to happen, and dommits if i'm going to allow a bundle of nerves get to me!

ehhhh... i say that for now though

Ghostie and i had a nice lonnnnnnnnng talk yesturday afternoon, the kind where you talk about everything under the sun and then again absolutely nothing at all... he had said that we cannnnnnnnn go and visit, with sissie which made me smiles sooooo very very brightly cause i have yet to get to meet sis...in spite of the fact that last February i was within shouting distances of her backyard!

i had admitted to the fact that lately i have been spending more and more time away from woogies and talking with those i had come to know in "other realms" so to speak, and i was shocked a bit when Ghostie had said that he understood and was glad to hear that i was doing so...truth is...it made me feel kind of guilty for the fact that i was building up this dayumed lil wall again...

as for those who i have spoken to in that "other realm", i am sooooo glad they have been there for me these past few weeks...there's just sooo much going on in this lil life of mine right now that confusing the issues would only have made things all the more worse for wear...

the biggest issue of all is of course "trust", but as "C" had stated in a conversation we had been having last night "trust is what it is all about"

admittedly, i certainly hadn't trusted Galahad...i had trusted Galahad wouldn't hurt me physically, but believing and trusting in another within all facets...and to the extent for which is required...

~*sighs*~

simple fact is, i have yet to meet someone i can trust to that extent... or i should say, i have yet to meet someone for whom i can lay as much trust into to completely surrender...

last year "J" and i had a very in depth talk relating to that very same issue, and "TCC" and i could have probably written a book based on all of the conversations we had over the course of the summer, and yet...here i am again...

**********************

Ghostie had asked again during the conversation yesturday of just why it was that i wanted to live in the UK so badly... and to be honest i dooo see the down sides, i'm not blind to the fact that there are things i take for granted here in the States that i would only dream of having over in the UK...BUTTTTTTTT i have a lilone with a long term disability for which the good ole US of A continues to punish me for by means of allowing insurance companies to deny her services for her illness, which forces me to have to keep her on disability, which in turn forces me to live in a life of poverty... not my forte

i suppose i could move to Canada or some other wonderful lil country that allows for Socialized medicine, but why? after all, i had trulyyyy felt within my element in the UK... such is life...i think the angels had been teasing me...

at any rate Ghostie and i had talked more of my thoughts on moving back to California... and i was quite surprized by his words...but California has never truly been kind to kimberly...and i'm just not sure i want to pay the piper for the cost of living there again


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