Monday, October 27, 2003




~*Been Thinking*~

tooo much...

work was okies...Ghostie had come in with me soz Bossman wasn't tooo terribly bothersome...although he did make a bit of a smart arsed remark at one point when Ghostie had taken off for a ciggie...

simple enough to deal with of course....

i simply called Ghostie over the intercom and asked him to please step inside....

~*giggles n grinzzzzzzzz remembering how fast da big bad bossman had shut his hole*~

Punch had a lil token back in the office for which i was just a weeee bit stunned to see... she's had Ghostie n i married off since she first heard he was intending a visit to the States...but who would have thought she would bring in one of those paper wedding bells and stick it up in the office! (OYYYYYYYYYY!!!)

Ghostie knows i am not exactly up for the idea of marriage again, and i know too that he really isn't all that up for a go at it either...it's been jested on here and there, and i thinkkkk if he was to come to the States it might actually have to be a necessity...but truth is i hate the thought of it...

you pay to marry, you pay taxes up the tail when you are married, and then god forbid if a divorce should be necessary then that has to be paid out the arse end as well...and ifffffffff you are so lucky as to manage to truly find your soul mate and stick for life...well gawds only knows that when your partner passes on your once again going to be held to pay dearly...

so whyyyyy marry?

of course....for this evening anyhow...my thoughts aren't just on the possibilities of wedding bells...it's actually more on the case of yeah okies...but why me???

i married "R" for the sake of convenience i think...i know i hadn't loved him...fact was i was still in love with that "first crush" from high school (it took 15 years before i truly came to my senses and left high school years to be days long passed by)

but "R" and i could never last...i suppose i knew that long before it had turned ugly... we had been awesome business partners, and i did care about him, but i was never "in love" with him... even if the case may be that to this day we are stillllllllllll married (12 years after i left his home for good)...

i haddddd been in love once...actually twice... and both times had ended in misery...

so i struggle hard to keep a solid footing now... and i refuse to fly in spite of the longing to soar...

sometimes i truly can be my own worst enemy

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