Saturday, September 20, 2003




~*Notice anything diffy?*~

Ghostie woke me up at exactly 7am... i had thought it the man making repairs on the new place, and was cursing a bit before i came to a full awareness of the fact that i don't own a bloody doorbell soz it couldnt possssssibly have been him...

~*scampered out of bed quick then and darted to the comp*~

sure enough it was Ghostie...and how could i be possibly curse at him??? (i can't, soz why bother...)

i didn't like our conversation today...and maybe it's me "protecting" myself again, and maybe i'm building up walls again, and maybe i don't wanna care what the circumstances are, and maybe i'm just truly a spoiled rotten lil brat but right now i can't stop the stream of tears flowing and i can't stop the anger boiling up inside of me...and noooo the anger is not at him...it's somewhere i can't place and that makes it even worse!

Ghostie's not coming the 30th September, i know he says he will try, and that if he has any say so about he will do, but i know fate, and fate has never been kind to kim... last night i had said to him that if he came to the states to see kim, he would not be "Ghostie" because there is soooo dayumed much on his plate right now and his thoughts of back home would consume him...

i know it's true, but it doesn't stop me from wanting him here...

but thats what the puck i get for venturing off into yet another online flipping relationship thats long distance and all that goobly gunk...i fricken knewwwwwwwwww better!!! (wellll, i did didn't i???!!!)

its a double edged sword really...and i wont be happy either way the outcome turns... i know that...i HATE that...

Ghostie says if it not the 30th it will be someday soon... i know better...i know fate (we may be worst enemies, but they say its best to trust your enemies moreso than to trust your friends...and truth is i trust this enemy allllll to well!)

sooooooo...big wall just rocked my world, didn't want to build it...but there it is, nice and solid, and firmly grounded...

piss me!

think i will evvvvvvvvvvvvvvver learn this lesson?

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