Wednesday, September 10, 2003




~*Morning Thoughts & Ponderings*~

i wish i could say that i woke up feeling differently than what i had felt last night...i don't

~*sighsssssss*~

i had wanted too... in a lil less than 3 weeks Ghostie is suppose to arrive in the States, and right now he is still planning on it in spite of everything that is going on back home... i can't help but to feel that this isn't the time...

Fate can play cruel tricks, last night i was remembering all to well the path i had ventured to follow, and the twist that had met up with me at the end of the road...

Just the same as Galahad must surely have thought that a vacation would have done me some good, so too i think that a vacation would do Ghostie a world of good as well, but the ending can never be the same...i don't have it in me to turn and walk away and never look back...i don't have it in me to decide for another person what is in their best interest...not really

i could say that i do, i could say that Ghostie cannot come, that if he did, i would not be here for him...but i would be...

i could say that he needs to stay there, that it is where he belongs and that there are things he must tend to..but i can only remember how fresh that painful memory of being told those same words had felt to me, and i can remember too just how wrong the person who had spoken those words to me had been...

the past 2 nights friends that i havent spoke to in months seemed to have popped out of the woodwork at me, some have been friends from Cali...some were from a history best left forgotten, and some from a history for which i could never forget...

Most all of them knowing how emotional i can be at times like these, and trying to "be there" for me during a time when they know all to well my heart can rule over all other train of thought...their amazing...

sissie said it best i suppose...the one thing for which i know i now have to cling to... which is to say DONT worry about what happens and doesnt happen because in the end it will all work out for itself anyways...

hmmmmm... i wonder if she is once again singing to the tune of a song she sang for me alonnnnnnnnnnng time ago...

at any rate there is still a lil under 2 weeks to go, and as sissie said, i should'nt worry my lil head over what may or may never happen because there is a reason behind everything (yeahhhh...and i think too i shall add that eventually we learn and grow from it)

ooohhhhh...and "J" popped back up again last night... it was embarrassing... i had said to him that i had wished that the next time those from PMB had heard from me again i was hopeful to have been a lil stronger than when they had last heard from me...

nothing ever changes really does it???



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