Thursday, July 24, 2003





~*Forward and Back Again*~

Seemed like Ghostie was a bit exciterated today at thoughts of getting to the States in a few more weeks...it was fun to sees him like that, buts i'm being the realist again... or at least trying my dayumdest too...

what was that Lar once said about fancy dancer...ohhh how they glide you across the floor?

~*sighs*~

we found a realllllly good rate on car rentals today, nothing i think we will beat in the long run, excepts we didn't book it so who knows what will happen when we go to make any type of a call back. then again, maybe D or S might find something better somewheres too...and yes, im reallly beginning to loathe the thought of going there...think it must be my gremlin again though i really cant explain away whyyyyyy...

~*grrrrrrrrring at myself tyvm*~

at any rate...reasonable reasons to be realisticals... how abouts quote from the past?! today Ghostie makes talk of what happen if hims likes here and him says we sees about this house...buts i just smiles...i try hard to keeps my feet solid on the ground these days...and thanks to fact i saved lotsssss of old letters...some famous lil quotes are helping me this evening...not from Ghostie, but someone else who once promised moonie the world...

"how do you feel about being with Me for life ?"

"If I offered you a life time..... "

"Right now moonie the offer is coming with Me....and W/we will see if I leave it on your table"


He did of course...and i accepted ... unfortunately... (considering his idea of a lifetime must surely have been all of what...3 months?) and truth is i'm so scared of believing or accepting anything from anybody these days that sometimes i just really wants to run and hide and never look back...or forward...

i dont want to ruin a great friendship...

and i thinkkkkkk i"m falling in love...

which only makes matters worse for me since one of the key issues im trying to learn to live with is the fact that i was told at one point this past year by another that "i think you love me more than i could ever love you"

grrrrrrrrrrrrr...gotta shakes all this scum of a past off of me dommits...

okies so insteads of sitting here listening to Strawberry Fields thinking it was rather poetic that i was taken there the day i was released of a collar...i thinks instead i go plays in my bath and at least FEEL like i'm washing off a lil sticky residuals of a rather badddddd relationships...



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